Beer League Brawlers

by Jgamble - 26 cards (Last updated on Mar. 6, 2019)

1. 1987 Donruss #445 Bob Kearney

Hey, I'm Bob. I almost had to tell the coach I wasn't gonna make it tonight, my sweet '87 Trans Am T-top was acting up so I had to get Sheila to drive me. I left my mitt in my car so I need to borrow one from the other team.

Occupation: Tool and Die
Beer of choice: Miller Light
Walk-up song: "Fool for the City" by Foghat

2. 1990 Topps #411 Ken Phelps

Hello friends, I'm Ken. I'm a deacon at Oakdale Baptist and I won't step in and play unless everyone else has had a chance. My twin brother Ned is Homer Simpson's neighbor. I like to pitch and toss those easy floaters so the other team can just smash em and feel good about themselves.

Occupation: Insurance sales
Beer of Choice: Gennessee Light
Walk-up song: "Old Gospel Ship" by the Imperials

3. 1992 Topps #312 Mike LaValliere

I'm Mike, I'm recently divorced. Turns out I love my motorcycle more than my latest wife. Too bad, because I led the softball league in homers with 13 last year and chicks dig the long ball. Even though we don't need the catcher's gear, I like wearing it. Makes me look imposing.

Occupation: Sheriff's deputy
Beer of choice: Schlitz
Walk-up song: "Wild Side" by Crue

4. 1993 Upper Deck #699 David Wells

Whats up, it's Dave. I'm all like "Yo sign me up for slo-pitch" when the list goes around, but I'm like coach, I am gonna be up north at the lake with my boat most of the summer. I'm good for a game or two each summer though. Orioles scouted me back in high school, so I'm better than most of these scrubs.

Occupation: road construction
Beer of Choice: Whatever's on draft, baby
Walk-up song: “Cruise” by Florida Georgia Line

5. 1998 Topps #374 Cecil Fielder

Hey guys, Cecil here. I tell you what, it's time for some hang-it-and-bang-it. Just get it somewhere near the plate and I'll hit it over that barn. That is, if I don't throw my back out with a monster whiff. Dag. Doc says I need to wear two knee braces but I ain't goin' out there like no punk.

Occupation: shop teacher
Beer of choice: Labatt Blue
Walk-up song: "Every 1's a Winner" by Hot Chocolate

6. 1992 Topps #181 Hector Villanueva

Hector here, let's cut to the chase ok, you don't like me and I don't like you. I'll get to the field when I get to the field. Don't worry about how I play in jeans and work boots, I could go across town and play for Georgetown Reformed Church ok? Ok.

Occupation: Tool and die
Beer of choice: Dos Equis
Walk-up song: "Rocket" by Def Leppard

7. 1988 Topps #783 Ron Roenicke

Is this the team where you'll let me smoke on the field? I keep a pack of Dorals under my hat. My doc actually tells me to smoke so I won't get all antsy and want to shoot stuff on my property, a junkyard I inherited from my wife and my's uncle.

Occupation: - -
Beer of choice: Natty Lite
Walk-up song: "Home Bound" by Ted Nugent

8. 1992 Topps #70 Gary Gaetti

Guys do me a favor and leave me alone, I have to stretch. Check out this bat bag, I'm the only guy on the team with a bat bag. Isn't this bat bag something? I got it at Dunhams. What? Whatever, I wear this flapless helmet because it looks cool and I do what I want.

Occupation: Tool and die
Beer of choice: Corona (no lime)
Walk-up song: "Higher" by Creed

9. 2018 Topps Heritage #84 Mike Clevinger

Hey I'm Mike, I'm Dave's son. He wants me out here on the team because sports builds character and stuff or whatever. Are there any girls that come out and see these games? Just askin' for a friend. I just thought there'd be more girls out here watching slow-pitch.

Occupation: Napa auto parts stockroom
Beer of choice: Founders Breakfast Stout
Walk-up song: "Hypnotize" by Biggie

10. 1987 Topps #678 Carney Lansford

Oh my gosh have you seen that Mike kid? I think his name is Mike. I don't think he even loves the game as much as the rest of us. He probably doesn't even know who Ken Griffey Junior is. You think he knows who Ken Griffey Junior is? You ask him. OK, nevermind I'll ask him. I think his name is Mike. Gosh.

Occupation: Pal's Car Wash
Beer of choice: Bud
Walk-up song: "Hocus Pocus" by Focus



Feb. 27, 2019 - 8:10PM

Good stuff here!

Feb. 27, 2019 - 9:22PM

Hah, this is excellent. With many years of softball under my belt I can say the only guy you are missing is the one who shows up to practice and says "I'm playin' short and batting third or I don't play at all".

Feb. 28, 2019 - 11:00AM

Love this had me laughing. I know there are a bunch more you can add to this list. 

Feb. 28, 2019 - 11:38AM

This list!!!!


Feb. 28, 2019 - 1:56PM

For pure "This doesn't look like a major leaguer", 1990 Upper Deck Randy McCament is always a top card for me.

Feb. 28, 2019 - 2:21PM

"Unfortunate hacksaw attack" really got me.

Mar. 1, 2019 - 4:04PM

Keep 'em coming!  We need a batboy, scorekeeper, and maybe some wives and girlfriends.

Mar. 3, 2019 - 1:45PM

HAHHAHAHA NAPA AUTO PARTS Stockroom for Clevinger HAHAHHA ... THis list is hilarious. And Cecil Fielder teaching Shop Class. This is the Blue Collar of all Blue Collar lists out there man! I love it. Guys that do the work that built the country. Guys that put their lives on the line every day when they clock in. They deserve a cold six-pack every night after they come home. Let me add one for you... Stand by I'm going to come up with one...

Mar. 3, 2019 - 6:32PM

Now that there is one funny list.  Thanks for sharing.  Needed a good laugh!

Mar. 3, 2019 - 8:10PM

Walk up song - "Hocus Pocus" by Focus. I bet he lip-synchs the yodeling. This is fantastic!

(Consider adding Paul Gibson, Mike Cubbage, and Chris Sabo??)

Mar. 4, 2019 - 3:05PM

Absolutely hilarious and insanely accurate.  

Mar. 6, 2019 - 5:25PM

I'd add more modern cards, but nobody looks like a buffoon on anything later than about 1993 in general.

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This list was created by site member Jgamble. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of The Trading Card Database.


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